Infirmities

 "If I must needs glory, I will glory of the things which concern mine infirmities."

2 Corinthians 11:30

    I was reading one of my morning devotionals a couple weeks ago, and this verse jumped out at me, so I stared at it and couldn't help but read it a few more times. I was taken aback by the passion and humility Paul displayed in these fifteen words as I pondered the relevance of this message in my life.

    Although I have yet to endure infirmities quite to the level of Paul, I have struggles and weaknesses. I am currently in a rough season in my life, facing health issues that I thought were under control, and I'm terrified. I've been wrestling with fear, doubt, insecurity, reevaluation of my dreams, and questions of how to function as seamlessly as I did four months ago. This season is one of constant prayers, unending reliance on Christ, and a deep desperation for things to get better. In all honesty, these morning devotionals were borne out of my need to calm my anxieties before I faced the day. They were the lifeline I needed to still my anxious thoughts.

        The big takeaway I got from this verse was this: Glory comes from our infirmities because our infirmities make us more like Christ. It's not our glory that comes from our struggles. It's God's. And it is only God's glory that is worth boasting of, for it's his glory that will shine forth through eternity. Our personal glories fade and fail, but God's never will.

    I don't know about you, but I find it extremely comforting that the trials and struggles of this life produce something. I'm grateful that the difficult road produces something in me. It's comforting that the pain of this life serves a purpose. In the thick of painful seasons, I am reminded that my pain has a purpose in the story God is writing. What a contradiction it is to feel pain and beauty at the same time. It's glorious, really, to understand that pain can transform us and often conforms us to the image of Christ. Something Apostle Paul also addressed in his letter to the followers in Christ who lived in Rome: "And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." (Romans 8:17-18)

    You see, there is always a promise on the other side of pain. Whether it be comfort, healing, knowledge, growth, or strength, there is something to be gained from what we endure. What makes enduring hard, though, is not knowing the purpose of the pain as we're walking through it. The uncertainty of our infirmities is the most difficult part to reconcile ourselves with. At least, it is for me. When anxiety strikes or I'm in the midst of thyroid flare-ups, I just want it to follow my preferred timing. But timing is not in my control. Truth is, pain isn't predictable and burdens don't always operate like clockwork. Once we're on the other side of our troubles, we can look back and say, "I get it now, God. I understand your heart for me through the pain. I see what you were working in me. Thank you for carrying me through my lowest moments."

    I wonder how different our seasons of infirmity could look if we boasted of them while we were living through them. Would it look similar to Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego walking around in the fiery furnace? How could three men in such excruciating circumstances be living and breathing? Would it look like Jesus praying in the garden as he prepared his human heart to endure suffering? How could he sit still and address his disciples calmly in the midst of his own despair?

    I don't think I've ever approached my hardships like this. Glorying in my pain. Boasting of my burdens. Taking joy in my struggle. Rejoicing in the uncertainty. Certainly not while I'm daily walking through the worst of it. But maybe that's the point... maybe fixing our eyes on the purpose in the pain, the glory beyond the grief, and the beauty in the discomfort is what makes our infirmities bearable. We need to remind ourselves of these things as we are walking through the fire. This hope is what refines our hearts and silences the lies of the adversary. Paul and Peter echo this purpose for struggle in the following verses.

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory." (2 Corinthians 4:17)

"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy." (1 Peter 4:12-13)

"Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life." (Romans 6:4)

    We suffer with Christ, so we can rejoice with him. We die to ourselves, so we can live for Christ. We walk through fire, so our faith will be refined like gold. We endure hardship to strengthen ourselves as soldiers of Christ. We take joy in our weaknesses, so we can lean on God's strength. We praise him for the pain because it brings us closer to him. We rejoice in our trials, for they help us lean on our Savior.

    For in the hardships, in the long nights, in the broken moments, in the depths of our despair, the glory of God is still on the horizon. The promises of God are still carried forth into eternity. The presence of infirmities doesn't mean He has abandoned us. They're opportunities to revive the zeal we started with. To restore the joy of his salvation. To make us cling to the hope of Heaven anew.

    So, I hope you grab onto that hope and cling to it with every breath that God grants you. Because having hope beyond this life helps us walk through the days ahead no matter the infirmities or inconveniences they could bring. This hope help us boast in our weakness knowing we aren't living on our own ability but on the grace and might of an all-powerful, all-knowing, and inexplicably loving God.

Glory comes from our infirmities because our infirmities make us more like Christ.