The Yellow Bridge

    This past weekend, the family reconvened in Oklahoma after a few months of not seeing each other. We celebrated the birthday of the cutest little girl in our family, and spent the days laughing around the table, entertaining the little ones, and creating memories we hope they will cherish forever. It looked like every other time we get together to take a break from the craziness of our everyday lives.

    But life is changing for me, and my emotions were divided, my thoughts dwelling on what the rest of this year will look like, what my new routine will look like, how the rest of my life will play out. I was ignoring all of my anxious thoughts because I wanted to stop and enjoy where I was this weekend. I wanted to soak in the friendships and family ties that I would miss once we got back on the road home. So I did. I kept my dwelling down to a minimum and my spirits high for the sake of my sanity.

    And much to my surprise (not really) the road home was mostly a teary one. I mean the road home is usually emotional for me, but this one felt different somehow. I was isolating myself from the conversation with my headphones and sad music. I was sleeping most of the way (which is hard for me to do and I avoid at all costs on road trips). And my appetite was almost nonexistent. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that my whole world is changing, and the next thing I know everything will be unfamiliar, nothing will be what I expect, and that scares me. A lot.

    My mood increased the farther we drove, and I was becoming aware of how ridiculous I must look crying over these things that haven’t happened yet. Things that could be beautiful and good for my soul. People and moments that could shape me and help me grow into the woman God wants me to be. Then we blew a trailer tire, and we had to take the access road to get back on the highway. This little detour set me straight, and God opened my eyes to something I've been overlooking for quite some time.

    In order to make sense of this lesson and the beauty I found in this moment, I have to rewind time a little... Six years ago, I crossed the Texas state line into Oklahoma in a packed 8-seater with my parents and 4 siblings for a week of fellowship with people I had never met or had very vague recollections of. And that road between Texas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas has been traveled countless times since. I couldn’t have imagined how my life would slowly and beautifully change the summer of 2014, but my world has expanded in its beauty, realities, and population. I am forever grateful for this road, the people it brings to me, and the safety God continually provides on the way.

    And, oh, the joy He gives me on that road! That first loooong trip to Claremore, I was watching out the window at the trees and green grass in amazement that a place could be so magical. Then I saw this bridge, this perfect little yellow bridge that made me feel like I was in a storybook, a place where anything was possible. And I pointed out the bridge to my sister, knowing she would automatically find the perfect shot to capture its beauty. I wanted to jump out of the car and just walk under that bridge, maybe do a little photo shoot, but we kept driving, and I watched that bridge until it was out of sight. I still watch that bridge every time we drive by it thinking maybe someday I’ll have a reason to walk under that bridge or travel that little road. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to it or why I see magic when I look at it, but I do. It’s a little bit of beauty on a road that seems to be going nowhere and everywhere all at once. And I love it.

    Monday, when we were heading home after a much needed weekend with family and dear friends, one of our trailer tires lost it’s tread, and we had to put the spare on. We pulled off the highway on an access road just outside of Sayre to fix it and assess the damage, Dad deciding that we needed 2 new tires for the trailer because my brother-in-law had noticed they both had dry rot. So we fixed the tire and made our way back to the highway, but we had to turn onto an overpass and turn back onto a little road to make our way back. Due to my previous pathetic mood, I was unaware of where we were, and I was concerned about the tire and the rest of our drive home. As we drove over the highway, I looked out the window curious to see how far we had until the next Love's, and there it was. It’s pale yellow color and it’s design called my name and I could have screamed I was so excited. I was smiling really big which I think Dad was happy to see since I'd been a little down for most of the ride, and Mom offered to stop so I could take pictures. I gladly obliged, and ran out onto the road and took a few close up and far away shots with my phone camera and with the HUJI app just for good measure and cool lighting effects. And I wanted to stand there, under that bridge and feel all time slow down. But I took a few breaths, closely examined the bridge and turned back toward the car, hopping inside, very pleased with my pictures. And I watched the bridge again as we drove away.

    It may seem silly to say that a little yellow bridge can bring me such joy, but I think its wonderful. I know it was intentional, and I was immediately filled with gratitude, awe, and peace. God let me cross that bridge at a time when he knew I would need that the most, and I think that shows how intimately he knows us. It wasn't fate or luck or coincidence that our trailer tire blew and we had to take that side road with my bridge. It was God. And the coolest thing is I never really talked about it to anybody excessively or pressed to go there and stop to make a magic moment happen. I don't recall praying a specific prayer about that bridge to God. I just smiled every time I saw it and looked forward to seeing it when we would go on a trip. And despite the silence I kept about how much I love this bridge and the little dreamworld I created around it, God heard the beating of my heart and my inner-most desires to have a breathless moment with that bridge. And he fulfilled it. He fulfilled a longing in my heart, a simple longing really, that I was almost unaware of myself. He took the mysterious tug I felt at the sight of this bridge and brought it to life with his tender care and endless mercy. And he did it in his timing and for His glory. Because any scenario I could have forced or dreamed up would have been nothing compared to the moment the Father crafted for me. All my striving to make something so beautiful would have had a different result I'm sure, and it may have even ended in disappointment.

    In the moment I was looking at this bridge with the building rain clouds behind it, God reminded me of the little joys, the smallest of moments he gives us. And He showed me all over again how easy it is to miss the precious moments or spontaneous joy when we are lost in ourselves. And sometimes the unexpected things are way more satisfying for our hungering and thirsting souls than any plans we could have produced on our own. A lesson, a truth, God knows I need at this time in my life. A time when I think I am truly embarking on the road to the rest of my life. A time when my anxiety threatens to overwhelm me and the devil is ready and all too willing to take advantage of my weakness(es). It was God who led me to the little yellow bridge, and it has always been Him guiding me down the road I am on. It will always be God holding my hand and leading me through. And if traveling this road with God is anything like my experience with the yellow bridge, I am ready and willing to take the ordinary days with the extremely taxing ones and the unexpected blessings along the way. 

    Trusting that the Lord will do the same for you in His own time and His own way and praying for blessings and love for each and every one of you!